Curbside Consult with Dr. Jayne 12/24/12

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ward
The patients were resting with some sleeping hard.
The IVs were hung on their pumps with good care|
And staff hoped the next shift change soon would be there.

The Stroke Team was nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of t-PA danced in their heads.
One nurse wore a kerchief, but none wore a cap
I’m pretty sure my intern just took a nap.

When out on the helipad – whoa what a clatter,
We sprang from the NOC to see what was the matter.
Away to the lift we all flew towards the crash,
The double-doors opened and we saw a flash.

The moon in the sky and the landing lights’ glow
Made quite a nice picture for patients below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a shiny red chopper touched down on its gear.

Out jumped the pilot, so lively and quick
We knew from his bow tie he wasn’t St. Nick.
More rapid than audit requests came his voice:
Compliance is simply our goal and your choice.

There’s quality metrics and data galore
Patient empowerment isn’t a chore!
From rural America to NYC
A Meaningful User is the way to be.

As dust clouds before the big chopper blades fly
He took all our worries and bid them goodbye:
You’ve attested Stage 1 and now to Stage 2,
With lots of requirements for all to do.

And then quick and nimble he jumped to the deck
I saw there were Mardi Gras beads ‘round his neck.
I just went to NOLA, he said with a grin
In March we will all get to visit again.

We’ll share lots of stories and maybe a drink,
And Epic’s booth artwork will make us all think.
Will wonder ‘bout Allscripts and where it has gone
And which cool new startups might just get it on.

As he spoke his eyes twinkled! His bowtie looked merry!
He said to have no fear, Stage 3 is not scary!
He gave us a big smile drawn up like a bow,
And told us he’d brought gifts – now didn’t we know.

Shoes! Nothing better for Inga and Jayne
And for Mr. H in a whimsical vein
A shiny new wearable reflector thingy
Matches the new site – a little bit blingy!

This O-N-C elf was so happy and jolly
I laughed when I thought of EPs and our folly
Of thinking the money was easy to claim
And later the prepayment audits we’d blame.

The pilot he winked and went straight to his work
And threw us some guidelines, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He climbed in the front seat, and up up he rose.

Away went the chopper and I gave a whistle:
They aren’t only guidelines but almost a missal.
Team HIStalk exclaimed, as he flew out of sight:
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

E-mail Dr. Jayne.