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CIO Unplugged 12/4/13

December 4, 2013 Ed Marx 55 Comments

The views and opinions expressed in this blog are mine personally and are not necessarily representative of current or former employers.

Identity and the Leader

I vividly recall, at age 17, jumping off the bus at the in-processing station of Ft. Dix, New Jersey, where a drill sergeant greeted me—screaming. By the third day, I was wearing a uniform, had a shaved head, and was organized into a squad and a platoon.

The drill sergeant shouted, “Look to your left, look to your right, and now look down at yourself. In nine weeks, one of you will not be here, because you do not have what it takes to be a United States warrior!” Gulp. He scared the crap out of me.

But looking around myself, I determined I was better than at least one or two of my fellow trainees. Yep, I would be OK.

A couple of weeks after I graduated as Private Marx, I entered freshman orientation at Colorado State University as a poster child for insecurity. I have no recollection of who spoke that day, but I do remember him saying that 80,000+ students had graduated in the past 100 years. I pondered the odds and decided that surely there were other bozos who made it, so I, too could succeed.

Since childhood, the comparison method had been a pervasive mindset. My identity had been in what I was rather than who I was. And I had based my success on what I could create rather than why I had been created. I floundered under that junior-high mentality of “I am significant because you are less significant.”

This warped attitude gave me a false confidence in the workplace. I compared myself to my peers and to those above me. Sometimes I would try to learn from others who were stronger and smarter than I, but more often than not I would pounce on their weaknesses to climb over them and up the career ladder. Sure, my skills and talents have helped boost my success, but I was also counterfeiting my identity and confidence based on others’ deficiencies and weaknesses.

Leaving that mindset behind, I’ve been searching for the real me and trying to live as the genuine Ed—insecurity surrendering to conviction.

After qualifying for the USA national championship Duathlon (run-bike-run) as an average athlete, I had just hoped to finish the darned race. Qualifying for a spot on Team USA was not only about to become a dream come true, but also a test of my desire to be the genuine Ed.

At first, I suffered second thoughts based on my insecurities. The odds for success were not in my favor. In fact, competing at this elite level, I would likely end up embarrassing myself. But there I was already comparing myself again. Yet this was my only shot to compete with the gifted.

When I arrived in Tucson and began the registration process, I started doing what most athletes do—comparing myself to others. That guy has less body fat. Another athlete was clean-shaven all over. The guy next to him had a $10,000 bike. The woman in the corner was sponsored … And pretty soon I stood there mentally defeated with the race a mere two days away. I was still basing my success on how I compared to others, not on who I was.

Damn that warped thinking! I stopped it and chose to walk in the opposite spirit. I decided that what I had—a strong heart, a decent bike, and an OK albeit hairy body—was sufficient. I chose to look forward and not to my right or left. The outcome wasn’t in my hands anyway. As an athlete, what mattered was, how will my stats in this performance compare to my stats in the previous races? Was I improving? Forget the guy racing next to me. If I was meant to represent Team USA at the 2014 World Championships, then that would happen.

Identity is a tricky thing. What is it? How is it formed? How does it impact who we are and our performance? Most of the time, I base my identity on how I believe I compare to others. I suspect most of us are mis-wired to think this way.

I don’t claim to have it figured out; I already proved that. My true identity is squaring who I was made to be and living congruent with this truth. I’m still working on it, but as I approach 50, I’m finally getting close. If these ideas help nudge you in the right direction, I will have accomplished my goal for this post.

Some self-reflection ideas:

  1. Is my life/career mission about me, or about the betterment and growth of those around me?
  2. What do I stand for?
  3. Do my values reflect a desire to see others succeed, or do they revolve exclusively around my personal success?
  4. Does my behavior reflect a value for the human soul?
  5. What’s my gauge for comparison: other people or stable virtues?
  6. Am I able to sincerely rejoice in others’ accomplishments, or do I have to one-up people all the time?
  7. Do I go to bed praying that no one finds out how insecure I am?

Who are you really? And are you happy with you?

To view my full reflections in depth, leave a comment with a request and I’ll send you “Identity and the Leader” Part 2.

Ed Marx is a CIO currently working for a large integrated health system. Ed encourages your interaction through this blog. Add a comment by clicking the link at the bottom of this post. You can also connect with him directly through his profile pages on social networking sites LinkedIn and Facebook and you can follow him via Twitter — user name marxists.

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55 Responses to “CIO Unplugged 12/4/13”

  1. 1
    Rebecca Wiedmeyer Says:

    Please send! 🙂

  2. 2
    John Lynn Says:

    I’d like to see part 2.

  3. 3
    Steve Says:


    Would love to see part 2.

  4. 4
    Helen Says:

    I think this also feeds into the concept of courage to be yourself – Maya Angelou once said:
    “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”

  5. 5
    Susan Wiechec Says:

    Mr. Marx,

    I so enjoy your articles. They do give me pause to think about so many things. I would like to have you send Identity and the Leader Part 2 and also How to create a life/career plan. I’ve made it through 62 almost 63 years of life and when I re-read your What do I Stand for section, it gave me such great pause. I hope it’s not too late to consciously incorporate these things into my life.

    I hope you did well in Tucson. Thank you so much for your meaningful and inspiring writings. I really do look forward to them.

    Susan Wiechec

  6. 6
    Weird News Andy Says:

    I really enjoy your posts and share many of them with those with whom I work. I would love to be able to continue with “Identity and the Leader” Part 2. Thank you.

  7. 7
    Hooked Says:

    I’ll bite; I have to know what comes next. You have a nice voice in print, Ed. I always enjoy reading your posts.

  8. 8
    Chris Says:

    Great introspection. Timely as I reflect on how I am raising my 2 and 4 year old boys. Please send me part 2.

  9. 9
    NeverQuit! Says:

    Hi Ed,

    I really enjoyed reading this article, since I now realize I am not alone. How is it that we are well educated, successful in our careers, have decades of experience and still have significant doubts about our capabilities and fear of being ‘found out’ that we don’t know as much as we think we know!? I feel it everyday and also compare myself to others. I whole-heartedly agree that a tremendous dose of insecurity is unhealthy and paralyzing. I would like to offer that a tinge of insecurity probably keeps us in check and perhaps a bit more on our toes and has helped us get to where we are. Food for thought!

    Have a great day!

  10. 10
    Suzanne Says:

    This post comes as I debate making the decision of whether to rejoin management, and apply for an open management position on my current team, or stay status quo. Am I a better person supporting and helping others grow, or doing my own work? I am not sure what my mission is….
    I guess I need part two!


  11. 11
    Springer Says:

    Please send part 2. Great gut check.

  12. 12
    Bradley McNulty Says:

    Please send! Thanks!

  13. 13
    chris Says:

    I can so relate. Could you send me part 2, please.

  14. 14
    Mike Peterson Says:

    Terrific topics, so timely. Would love to see your companion article.

  15. 15
    UpWithPeople Says:

    Please send me Part 2. I am always inspired by your essays. Keep up the great work!

  16. 16
    Ed Cambridge Says:


    Another great post. I’d love to see part 2.



  17. 17
    Interested Reader Says:

    Ed, thanks for another thought-provoking post. Please send me Part 2. Thanks!

  18. 18
    KWSTYMiami Says:

    Love to see part 2. Hopefully we find out how well you did in the race!

  19. 19
    christian lindmark Says:

    Great article Ed…would love to see part 2.

  20. 20
    Lanman Says:

    Very good, yet again. Please send me part 2.

  21. 21
    Neil Francoeur Says:

    I love your posts. They represent what I wish to aspire. Thanks 🙂

  22. 22
    Len Brown Says:

    Thanks for your candid thoughts and perspective. I believe you got it right with the focus pointed internally and self reflection. I also enjoyed your presentation at the recent mobility conference downtown. Thanks for sharing.

  23. 23
    Lurker Says:

    Great stuff, Ed! Please send me Part 2..

  24. 24
    Judy Says:

    Thanks for the insights and wisdom. Would love to read part 2.

  25. 25
    Aditya P Says:

    Hi Ed,

    Great post. Please send part – 2.


  26. 26
    Alex Says:

    Part 2 please, I’m merely at the beginning of my journey toward a better me, but this is helping me off to a great start!
    Thansk Ed!

  27. 27
    cmscrane Says:

    So insightful. Please send Part 2.

  28. 28
    Melinda Says:

    Thank you for your thoughts. I would like to read part 2.

  29. 29
    Rebecca Says:


    I love your articles and look forward to every new addition. Please send me part 2.

  30. 30
    Ncsysadmin Says:

    You are my new hero. I only thought recovering alcoholics felt like this, hence me. Thank you, thank you. Yes, I very much want to read part 2.

  31. 31
    Era Says:

    Wonderful post. Please send Part 2!

  32. 32
    Jeff Kok Says:

    Great insight to reflect on! Please send part 2.

  33. 33
    Judy Volker Says:

    Excellent message Ed! Please send part 2.

  34. 34
    Angela Witt Says:

    Great post to get us thinking about how we are conducting ourselves in our professional and personal lives. Please send Part 2.

  35. 35
    Wiser@50 Says:

    I read a great quote recently that I used this Thanksgiving and think it ties nicely into your comments::

    Look forward and be hopeful!
    Look backward and be thankful!
    Look downward and be helpful!
    Look upward and be humble!


  36. 36
    Brett Says:

    Another great post – Thank you!

  37. 37
    Nguyen Says:

    Please send me the second part of your post.

  38. 38
    RBA Says:

    I admire your willingness to “open the kimono”, Ed, and would appreciate seeing “part 2”.

  39. 39
    TheMDofTruth Says:

    Comparing oneself to others is a crippling existence. I’ve been there and sometimes fall back into this weak mindset. The realization that being the real me is better than what anybody expects- and for those who don’t like the real me (or you), they aren’t worth the time or consideration anyway.

    Be real and cuss once in awhile if that’s what you feel. People will respect you more for it.

  40. 40
    Stella Says:

    I love it, helped me see my place in this world of career differently, please send me the rest. It is so easy to lose sight of our calling by focusing on the pressure to compare by the entrenched culture in healthcare.

  41. 41
    Brandon Says:

    Would love to see part two!

    This is awesome.

  42. 42
    Holly Mathis Says:

    This was great. Sounds like you have made some big changes in your life. I would love to read “part 2”.


  43. 43
    Amy Says:

    Loved part 1 and would love part 2

  44. 44
    Jade wolf Says:

    Thank you, as always, for sharing such a human perspective on leadership. I’d appreciate the opportunity to read part 2.

  45. 45
    Guy Fay Says:

    I would love part two!

  46. 46
    Jay Deady Says:

    Ed, you are a great guy and a great teacher thru print, which is hard to do. Looking forward to part 2. J

  47. 47
    M. Cunningham Says:

    Great article, please send Part 2.

  48. 48
    Quite Curious Says:

    Would love Part 2 as well!

  49. 49
    Hamish Says:

    Thank you Ed – another valuable, thought provoking post. Please send me Part 2.

  50. 50
    Hooked Says:

    Please send part two, Ed!

  51. 51
    Tracy Says:

    Please send. You have provoked a new awareness in me.

  52. 52
    Kit Says:

    Ed, I do believe I would enjoy reading part 2 (…since I’m printing Part1 to hang on my cubicle wall). Thank you for your devotional posts!

  53. 53
    Just a clinician Says:

    Thank you for this post! Please send part 2.

  54. 54
    Robert Hinerman Says:

    Please send part 2, Ed. I truly appreciate how you express what others feel, but can’t find the way to communicate.

  55. 55
    Madhavi Says:

    Please send part 2.

    Thanks for sharing your insights.

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